and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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