Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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