one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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