Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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