It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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