I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
