he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
