I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's blow job season.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
