if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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