She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
