I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need a beard to bite.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
