Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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