is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
