Your dad touched me again.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
