you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
