Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
