Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
