She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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