the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
