True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
