Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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