My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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