Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
