I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
