I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
