Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
