I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
