Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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