I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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