just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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