My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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