Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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