I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
