Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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