Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
