Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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