someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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