There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
