By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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