I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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