So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
