dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
