FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
