Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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