WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My feet surprised me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
