It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize