Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
