Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
