He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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