I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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