it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
