Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
