I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In America we eat man semen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
