Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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