I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
someone owes me an orgasm
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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