whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize