So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
