I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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