Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
