Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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