We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
