Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
