Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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