3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
