Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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