it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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