when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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