So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
