she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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