You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
