There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this boner is exhausting
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
