first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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