You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
