my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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