I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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