he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
