Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
