Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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