Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
